


all I need is one last chance (to prove I'm good enough for someone)

by aletterinthenameofsanity



Series: when it feels like the world's gone mad (dark stories) [7]
Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bisexual Jeremy Heere, Character Study, Consent Issues, Dubious Consent, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Established Relationship, First Time, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, No Proofreading We Die Like Men, Past Sexual Assault, Post-Canon, Post-Squip, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Rape Recovery, Recovery is the name of the game folks, Scars, Self-Doubt, also liberal references to the Lightning Thief musical, also on the list of things Jeremy and Michael have to deal with, and shit there's a lot of traumatizing things that happened, and the shock will fuck up the brain, and you will fucking enjoy it, because that shit is awesome, because that's lots of fun, but then I actually started listening to the musical again, character development bitch, concept: Jeremy singing Good Kid, haha i will shit on your happiness before giving you a happy ending, having your new friends be the people who used to assault you in the hallway, is the fact that all of the cool kids used to bully them, like "do you wanna hang" is sexual assault, this was supposed to be fluffy and happy, which is a GOOD concept
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 09:49:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16083629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aletterinthenameofsanity/pseuds/aletterinthenameofsanity
Summary: Jeremy can’t do a lot of things anymore.He can’t masturbate, can’t slouch, can’t think of the taste of Mountain Dew without feeling phantom shocks travelling down his body.-Jeremy has nightmares that leave him waking up with a scream wedged between his teeth and sweat coating his body. He has nightmares of what might have happened if the SQUIP had succeeded, if Michael hadn’t shown up, if-The ifs haunt Jeremy. He fucked up so bad, and the consequences could have been so much worse if Michael hadn’t been the best friend a guy could ask for.Jeremy still blames himself for everything that happened and everything that could have happened. Michael and a lot of Jeremy’s friends went through hell because of Jeremy’s desire to be popular.-“You’re allowed to hate it,” Rich says, and Jeremy blinks at him.“What?”“The SQUIP. You’re allowed to hate it for what it did to you.”“It just made me realize my flaws-”“No, it didn’t. Dude, you’re a good guy. Whatever that SQUIP told you- it was fucking wrong."-(Jeremy deals with the aftermath of the SQUIP. He fucks up, falls in love, and figures things out.)





	all I need is one last chance (to prove I'm good enough for someone)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [aj_books](https://archiveofourown.org/users/aj_books/gifts), [punkenigma](https://archiveofourown.org/users/punkenigma/gifts).



> Title is from "Good Kid" from the musical The Lightning Thief.
> 
> This is for my friends, who introduced me to this musical and sucked me into this fandom. This angstfest is your fault and I hope you enjoy it!

Jeremy can’t do a lot of things anymore.

He can’t masturbate, can’t slouch, can’t think of the taste of Mountain Dew without getting nauseous and feeling phantom shocks travelling down his body.

Jeremy can’t meet Michael’s eyes. They’ll be playing video games, getting high, doing everything they used to do, and Michael will glance over at Jeremy and find his shoulders hunched in and his gaze resolutely focused on the furthest thing in the room from Michael.  And Jeremy hates that even after the SQUIP is gone, after he and Michael started dating, he still can’t look at Michael without the nausea the SQUIP delivered on him.

-

Jeremy’s thoughts have been all out of whack since he finally drank the Mountain Dew Red. Sometimes, when it comes to things like math and science, Jeremy’s mind goes into hyperdrive, delivering him straight As.

But when it comes to things like figuring out how to navigate his relationship with Michael, being friends with all the cool kids, being a normal person not suffering from intrusive thoughts- that’s when his brain goes sluggish. And it’s not any different than it used to be, when it came to human interaction, but after a month of having the SQUIP instructing him how to socialize he’s left with a loss of knowledge and it almost feels worse than before the SQUIP.

-

(There is a bottle of green soda in Jeremy's hands and a voice that won't leave his head.

He swears he'll never drink the bottle, because he knows how much it hurt Michael. He could _never_ put Michael through that again, not since Michael has told him about the panic attacks and the nightmares.

But sometimes...sometimes he just wants to surrender to the voice in his head. Maybe it would be easier for him, for Michael, for everyone, if Jeremy could just function like a normal human. If Jeremy told the SQUIP that his goal was Michael's happiness, then maybe the shocks would be worth it. The pain will always be worth it, if Michael is happy.)

-

Jeremy has nightmares that leave him waking up with a scream wedged between his teeth and sweat coating his body. He has nightmares of what might have happened if the SQUIP had succeeded, if Michael hadn’t shown up, if-

The _ifs_ haunt Jeremy. He fucked up so bad, and the consequences could have been so much worse if Michael hadn’t been the best friend a guy could ask for.

Jeremy still blames himself for everything that happened and everything that _could_ have happened. Michael and a lot of Jeremy’s friends went through hell because of Jeremy’s desire to be popular.

-

(The smell of green Mountain Dew nauseates Jeremy, but if it could make things better… if it could make everyone happier…)

-

He and Michael sit at the cool kids’ table at lunch, Michael sitting at the end of the table next to Jeremy and across from Jenna. Jeremy's hand is in Michael's and for once, he is completely happy with where he is.

“Gay,” Rich teases, smile on his face and hand in Jake's, and Jeremy stills, smile freezing on his lips. (Next to him, Jeremy can feel Michael stiffen as well.)

And that’s another thing Jeremy blames himself for- the fact that even now, two months after the whole SQUIPcident, he sometimes flinches around the cool kids. Rich will affectionately call him “tall-ass,” Jake will teasingly elbow him, Chloe will joke about how “gay” he is, and Jeremy will flinch. He logically understands that they are his friends, that they don't want to hurt him, but two years of hell are not easily forgotten by his muscle memory.

(At least in this aspect, he’s not alone. Michael sometimes has the same reactions that he does to their cool friends- the flinching, the freezing in the middle of a conversation- and Jeremy kinda hates it.)

-

The SQUIP sometimes speaks up, makes sneering remarks about his clothes or posture or relationship with Michael.

Rich makes a teasing remark about how gay he and Michael are, Chloe rolls her eyes at one of Jeremy's more nerdy comments, Michael teases him about his gaming skills- and the SQUIP speaks up.

 _Can’t you see?_ The SQUIP asks with an arrogant smirk, _They hate you._

_-_

The first time he and Michael have sex, the lights in the room are off. Jeremy tells Michael that it makes him more comfortable that way, and it’s true- if Michael saw the mess of electrocution scars and bruises that take up the entirety of Jeremy’s back, Jeremy knows he wouldn’t be able to face the look on Michael's face.

There’s also those other sex issues, though, the ones that make Jeremy hesitant to even have sex in the first place- the ones that involve a Halloween party and being locked under Chloe’s drunk arms, the SQUIP taking control of his limbs and face.

As Jeremy kisses Michael- wonderful, geeky, gentle Michael- the taste of bile rises in his throat. All he can feel is Chloe forcing the bottle of beer into his mouth, her lips on his unmoving face.

(Jeremy knows it isn’t her fault, that she was drunk and couldn’t have possibly known that the SQUIP was preventing him from resisting. That doesn’t make the idea of sex any more comfortable, though.)

 _If you don’t have sex,_ The SQUIP says, _You’re lame. You’re a pussy. Everyone will laugh at you._

So Jeremy does it. He ignores his hang-ups, his hesitations, the voice in his head. It’s not as if he’s not attracted to Michael- he is so, _so_ attracted to his boyfriend, don’t get him wrong- so he presses his insecurities, his nausea, and his self-doubt way down, and goes along.

And it's not that bad. Jeremy does his best to make Michael feel good, and Michael definitely reciprocates in same.

Michael's skin is warm, his lips soft, his hands attentive. “I love you,” he mouths into Jeremy's skin as they climax, and tears prick Jeremy's eyes, a mix of happiness and sorrow.

Michael’s the perfect guy, but Jeremy's the imperfect lover. He wishes he could give more, love more, enjoy more. But he can’t. And he hates himself just a little bit for it.

 

(They say your first time is magical. Jeremy just wishes he could relate.)

_-_

The world keeps turning, and Jeremy keeps existing, keeps flinching, keeps having nightmares.

It’s his normal now.

-

If a tree falls in the forest, does it even make a sound?

Will anyone even notice if Jeremy collapses, alone in his own mind?

-

(Jeremy's friends really do notice things are wrong.

Sometimes, during theatre club meetings, Christine will notice how Jeremy will just lose himself in characters and will take far longer than normal to return to his own personality again.

Rich knows what it looks like when you're listening to the SQUIP, when you’re thinking thoughts far too dangerous for your own sanity. And Jeremy still looks like that, sometimes. And it kind of frightens Rich.

And Michael, who has been friends with Jeremy for twelve years, knows that something is wrong. The way that Jeremy looks at him sometimes, like he doesn't know him, or the way he sometimes stiffens when they're kissing- there is something wrong here.

But the Mountain Dew Red worked. And Jeremy says that the SQUIP is completely gone.

So Michael trusts Jeremy to tell him what's going on. He does the same to Jeremy, telling him when he has panic attacks, letting Jeremy comfort him when his nightmares get too bad.)

-

“You’re allowed to hate it,” Rich says, plopping down next to him in the library, and Jeremy blinks at him.

“What?”

“The SQUIP. You’re allowed to hate it for what it did to you.”

“It just made me realize my flaws-”

“No, it didn’t.” Jeremy has never heard Rich be that self-confident before. “Jeremy, remember that I know what it says. And dude, you’re a good guy. And whatever that SQUIP told you- that being bisexual was wrong, that hurting your friends was okay, that everything about you was terrible- it was fucking wrong. It’s not the only voice in your head. You also have your own to listen to.”

“Wow, man, that’s really deep,” Jeremy says, a bit shocked.

Rich grins. “Your boy Rich Goranski has plenty of insight, my man.” He holds out a fist for a bump, and Jeremy returns it.

-

One conversation doesn’t heal things entirely. Not when Michael sometimes looks at Jeremy like he’s afraid of him, like Jeremy’s going to leave him again.

(But it does help, at least a little.)

-

Mr. Reyes holds auditions for the spring musical, _The Lightning Thief_ (Christine pretty much nagged him into it, something for which everyone else is very grateful as his first suggestion had been _Love Never Dies_ which, of course, is one the worst musicals _ever_ ).

It's Jeremy's turn and he gets up onstage, the song _Good Kid_ pounding through his head. He’s sung the song plenty of times in his empty room, jammed out to it in the car with Michael. He knows the lyrics inside and out, probably better than he knows himself (especially after all the changes the SQUIP made to his brain, his body, and his personality).

His hands are trembling, and for a number of reasons. The last time he was up on a stage, he SQUIPped the entire cast and ruined the school play. Now, he wants to be in the play not for Christine, but for himself.

Because he _does_ enjoy acting, pouring his own emotions into a character and creating a different, happier ending.

 

_I never try to do anything_

_I never mean to hurt anyone_

_I try, I try to be a good kid_

_A good kid_

_A good son_

 

It is almost scarily easy to sink into the lyrics, to relate to Percy and everything he's had to go through.

Jeremy’s fucked up so many times in his attempts to be the good kid, the cool one- he’s hurt the ones he cares about, nearly destroyed the boy he loves. He tried to be better, and all he did was fall.

 

_But no one ever will take my side_

_All I ever do is take the fall_

_I swear, I swear that I'm a good kid_

_Guess I'm good for nothing at all_

 

He remembers the SQUIP drilling his lack of self-worth into his head, the number of times the SQUIP shocked him into saying “everything about me makes me wanna die" before it just became habit.

Good for nothing at all- that’s what Jeremy’s thought for so long.

But like Percy, Jeremy needs to learn that he’s more than what the SQUIP and the world told him he was. He can be better, but not as the SQUIP tells him he is.

(At least, that’s what Jeremy hopes.)

 

_I swear, I swear that I'm a good kid_

_A good kid, who's had a bad run_

_And all I need is one last chance_

_To prove I'm good enough for someone_

_I'm good enough for someone_

 

 _Please,_ Jeremy thinks as he puts all the emotion and effort he can into the final lyrics. _I just want to do things right by the people I love. I want to be a good person._

_I want to be better, without the SQUIP. Please, just let me be good._

As the final note fades into the air, Jeremy becomes aware of Christine and Michael- who are waiting for their turns to audition- clapping in the audience. He smiles at their response despite the anxiety coursing through his veins.

Hopefully he was good enough to get the part. His self-doubt is strong, stronger than any talent he might possess. He has no idea if he could actually earn the part, but he _can_ hope. Things will get better. They have to.

One thought sinks into his mind as he heads offstage, trying to calm the shaking in his hands and the racing of his heart in his chest: He has to talk to Michael.

-

 _Michael hates you_ , the SQUIP says, _He hates that you’re weak._

For once, Jeremy ignores the SQUIP’s protests and sits down next to Michael on their bean bags, ready to talk.

 _I can be a good person,_ Jeremy reminds himself. There are voices in his head, but the loudest one is his.

“Michael,” Jeremy says without preamble, “I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

Michael raises an eyebrow. “Dude, you already apologized-”

“No,” Jeremy says, “I didn’t apologize for everything. I apologized for ignoring you, for- for saying what I did in that bathroom, but I didn’t apologize for what happened after the Play.”

Now Michael looks really confused. “You didn’t do anything after the Play except ask me out,” Michael says.

“I, uh, didn’t tell you the whole truth about the SQUIP,” Jeremy says. “I wasn’t entirely truthful with you, and that’s what I want to apologize for.”

Michael frowns. “Okay,” he says, sounding a bit wary, but he doesn’t get mad at Jeremy for not telling him everything.

“So, uh, the SQUIP would shock me when I did something wrong. And not just a little, but-” He can’t get the words out and he groans. “Lemme- lemme just show you, okay? That’ll make this easier.” He stands up and pulls his cardigan (the one Michael got him for their one-month anniversary as a replacement for the one the SQUIP had Jeremy toss) and shirt off, then turns so that his back is to Michael. He hears Michael’s soft gasp and he stiffens, worrying about Michael’s reaction.

“Jeremy,” he hears Michael say, voice low, and Jeremy can’t determine what emotion is in his voice but he dreads the look of disgust he’s sure he’s gonna find on Michael’s face as soon as he turns around.

Instead, he feels fingers brush his back. They gently run over his scars, touch light and soft, the lightest of caresses.

“I know they’re disgusting, Micah,” Jeremy says, tears threatening to burn the backs of his eyes, “And I’m sorry.”

And then he feels Michael’s _lips_ against his back, pressing a kiss to the base of his scars, and he freezes.

“There is nothing disgusting about you,” Michael says, voice shaking, “And you do _not_ need to be sorry for these. These scars are not your fault- they’re the fault of the monster that lived in your head.”

Michael places a hand on Jeremy’s shoulder, and Jeremy turns around to face Michael. To Jeremy’s surprise, Michael’s expression is not one of disgust. Instead, his eyes and lips are curved with concern. The knot in Jeremy’s chest loosens as he sees that Michael doesn't hate him, doesn't hate the damage littering his skin.

 _You're wrong,_ Jeremy tells the SQUIP, and for once he can really mean it.

Jeremy steps forward and kisses Michael, and for once he doesn’t feel nausea. Instead, all he feel is gratefulness for Michael, for his love and acceptance-

“Wait,” Michael says, pulling back, and Jeremy’s heart plummets. Did Michael realize that he was wrong? Did it just take him an extra couple of moments to process how disgusting Jeremy is?

“Jeremy,” Michael says, “Is this why you wanted to have sex in the dark? Because you were afraid of what I’d think of your scars?” Jeremy gives a jerky nod, and Michael winces. “Jer, I don’t think any less of you because of how that monster tortured you. And you don’t have to feel bad or insecure about having sex with me.” Michael frowns, his shoulders slumping. “At least, I hope I don’t make you feel like that.”

“No, it’s not you...” And because Jeremy’s already opened this can of worms, he knows he’ll have to finish it.

He swallows deeply. He never told Michael exactly what happened the night of the Halloween party. He told Michael that alcohol messed with his Squip, that he was so, so sorry for calling him a loser in the bathroom, but he never came close to explaining what happened with Chloe.

 _Chloe Valentine’s the hottest girl in school,_ Jeremy’s SQUIP says. _If you tell Michael that you didn’t want to have sex with her, then he’ll think you’re a wimp. He’ll also hate you if you tell him that you felt nauseous having sex with you. Do you really want to see the look of disgust on his face when you tell him that?_

Jeremy squares his shoulders. _I have to trust him. He’s my boyfriend and my best friend, and the scars didn’t disgust him. I’ve gotta trust that this won’t either._

“Michael, there’s something else.”

“Okay,” Michael says, “Tell me.” He offers out a hand for Jeremy to hold, and Jeremy takes it, seeking the physical grounding and reassurance Michael’s touch provides.

Jeremy doesn’t know exactly how to start explaining the bad memories, so he starts with a halting question: “You remember Halloween night?”

Michael’s expression shifts slightly. “How could I forget?”

Oh, shit, right. The bathroom. Jeremy’s really fucking this up right out of the gate, isn’t he? “A lot of shit went down at that party. And me, before I saw you…” He doesn’t know how to start, how to explain, how to explain without blaming Chloe or making Michael mad. “Well, Chloe was really drunk. Everybody was too, just, you need to remember that and not blame her for what happened, okay? She was really drunk, and it wasn’t her fault-”

“Jeremy,” Michael says, tone going sharp, “What the fuck did Chloe do?”

Jeremy winces. “I’m not explaining it right, okay? Just lemme try again.” Michael relaxes slightly, and that gives Jeremy the room to go on. “Chloe took me upstairs, saying that Brooke had something she wanted to talk to me about. She led me to Jake’s parents room, where she started to make out with me. I wanted to stop, I didn't want to have sex with her, but the SQUIP stopped my body from resisting and she just kept going. I accidentally drank some alcohol, which interfered with the SQUIP’s power, and then Jake came crashing in and in the chaos, I got out of there before anything happened, but I…” Tears are streaming freely down Jeremy’s face now, because he knows he’s about to hurt Michael’s feelings and he doesn’t want to. “Michael, I can’t forget it. To this day, I still get nauseous when I think about getting intimate, and…”

“Oh my god,” Michael says, stepping back from Jeremy, his voice shaking. “Please tell me I didn’t force you into having sex with me. God, Jeremy, _please_ tell me I didn’t ra-”

“No!” Jeremy nearly screams, because Michael is the absolute last person at fault in this situation. Jeremy can barely bear to think about Michael and the word he was nearly about to say in the same sentence. “You did _not_ force me into anything- it was my fault for not saying anything. And I did enjoy it, I promise. Just...not as much as I wish I would have.”

Michael slumps downward into a beanbag. “God, this is fucked up.”

This actually startles a small, broken laugh out of Jeremy as he plops down into the other beanbag. “That’s gotta be the most accurate thing I’ve heard in ages.”

Michael looks up at Jeremy, a measure of flint in his eyes. “I'm gonna help you figure this out, Jer, I promise. I'm gonna help you figure things out.”

Jeremy's automatic response- _there's no need, Michael, I'm fine_ \- rises to his lips, but instead he nods. He's trying to change, to be healthier. He's trying to be better. “Okay,” he says, and finally, in the name of truth: “And Michael, one last thing...I sometimes still hear its voice in my head.”

“Well,” Michael says, “That’s what Mountain Dew Red is for.” He grins. “And me, of course. I’m pretty sure video games, marijuana, and my kissing could make you forget.”

Jeremy smiles, looking at Michael’s warm eyes and brilliant smile. “Yeah, they probably could.”

Michael picks up a controller from the floor next to his beanbag. “You wanna play?” He asks, eyes brightening for the first time since they first started talking, and Jeremy nods and grins.

“Level 9?” he says, picking up his own controller, and Michael nods.

-

When Jeremy gets home, he grabs the bottle of green Mountain Dew from under his bed and walks it out to the ditch, where he unscrews the cap and pours out every single drop of the damn liquid. He watches the bright green liquid filter through the leaves in the gutter, and stares at it until all of it disappears into the sewer hole under the driveway. Then he walks the bottle over a few steps to the driveway, where he smashes it under the heel of his shoe, crumpling the plastic in a satisfying _crunch._

He then tosses the flattened plastic into the neighbor's recycling bin and doesn't look back.

-

When Jeremy sees Chloe the next day, he knows he has to talk to her. He just doesn’t know what to say, how to talk about what happened.

He flinches when Chloe places a hand on his shoulder, grinning unknowingly as she does so, and Michael stiffens beside him.

As soon as Chloe leaves, Michael turns to Jeremy.

“You've gotta tell her.”

Jeremy blinks. “What?”

“Chloe may have been drunk, but that doesn't mean she didn't have some idea of what was happening. She should apologize for what happened. You've gotta talk to her, Jer.”

“Okay,” Jeremy says, because he's never been able to argue with Michael and because he knows, though he hates the idea, that this is what he has to do.

-

“Hey, Jeremy,” Chloe says as he walks up to her locker after school.

“Hey, Chloe,” Jeremy says, and then the rest of the words stick in his throat. He doesn't know how to talk to Chloe, easily his most intimidating friend, about how she might have sexually assaulted him at a party.

Then he remembers the look on Michael’s face when he’d told him what happened at the Halloween party, and he steels himself for the ensuing conversation. “I need to talk to you about Halloween.”

Chloe grimaces. “I don't remember a lot of what happened that night, I got so wasted. Did I do something fucked up?”

Shit. This is going to be a lot harder than he had anticipated.

“Shit, I did, didn't I?” Chloe probably saw the expression on his face. “Ah, fuck, Jeremy-”

And suddenly there is a slew of words pouring out of Jeremy's mouth, powered by anxiety. “Uh, that night, I know you probably don't remember, but you took me up to Jake’s room, saying you wanted to have sex with me. And I didn't really want to, but the SQUIP kept me from saying no, kept my body from moving, and so I couldn't stop you. And I'm really glad that Jake barged in when he did, because I don't want something that happened when you were drunk to have permanently fucked things up.”

“And I just needed to tell you so that you could know, and that you could decide how to respond.”

At first, Chloe doesn’t respond. He watches- wary, anxious, worried- as her expression closes off and no words come out.

Then, softer than he thought her capable, she says: “I’m so sorry, Jeremy. What I did was fucked up. Being drunk doesn’t excuse what I did, what I tried to make you do.”

Oh. It's so strange, being on the receiving end of an apology after being the one giving them out so often over the past few months. He barely even remembers what it's like being the one bestowing forgiveness instead of asking for it.

“It's okay,” Jeremy says, because he knows all too well what it's like to need forgiveness, to beg for it because it's what you need to move on. And he _does_ forgive Chloe for that night.

(Jeremy thinks he may need to forgive Chloe just as much as he needs her to forgive him.)

“Good,” Chloe says, and her trademark smirk is back. “Can I hug you?” she asks. “I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, and I want to make sure I definitely get consent this time.”

Her confident smirk seems a bit fragile, a bit broken, but Jeremy doesn’t judge her for it. He knows what it’s like to fake confidence, to pretend like you know what you’re doing.

“Sure,” he says, and he manages not to flinch when she hugs him. Chloe _is_ his friend, after all. He wants to figure out how to be comfortable around her.

And when she leans back, smiling that fragile grin, he thinks he might just understand Chloe Valentine a bit better.

-

The cast list is posted the next day.

 

**_Cast List_ **

**_Percy Jackson- Jeremy Heere_ **

**_Grover- Michael Mell_ **

**_Annabeth- Christine Canigula_ **

**_Katie Gardner/Ms. Dodds/Clarisse La Rue- Chloe Valentine_ **

**_Sally Jackson/Silena Beauregard- Jenna Rolan_ **

**_Luke Castellan/Ares- Rich Goranski_ **

**_Chiron/Charon- Jake Dillinger_ **

**_Mr. D- Jared Kleinman_ **

**_Ensemble- Dustin Kropp, Madalyn Krimby, Brooke Lohst, Evan Hansen, Veronica Sawyer, and Whizzer Brown_ **

 

Michael pulls Jeremy into an excited kiss, and Jeremy can't reciprocate very well as he's grinning too widely.

“We got the parts!” Jeremy nearly squeals as soon as they part.

“There was no doubt that you'd take the lead,” Chloe says, walking up with a smile on her face. Jeremy remembers seeing her name on the cast list as all of the female villains, as well as Katie Gardner- good casting, honestly. “Your audition made Brooke cry.”

“And me,” Christine says, “And I’m pretty sure everyone, even Rich.”

“ _Especially_ Rich,” said boy affirms, “Rich Goranski is _not_ afraid to cry his big manly tears.”

Jeremy blinks at the sudden upswell of support. It’s a bit unusual, but not unwelcome.

It helps him believe that these people actually care about _him_ , not just the SQUIPped version they first met. And that's a good feeling.

-

Jeremy still hears the SQUIP’s voice, but Michael is always there for Jeremy with a bottle of Mountain Dew Red and reassurances as to Jeremy's self-worth, whether that be with words or a kiss.

Jeremy's brain is still fucked up, but with each day he is getting better.

-

_Bring on the monsters_

_Bring on the real world_

 

The final notes ring out as Jeremy steps forward, Percy's characteristic grin on his lips.

 

_I'll be back next summer_

 

The curtain falls on the entire cast, leaving Jeremy standing in the middle of his friends, Michael and Christine on either side of him. His breathing is a bit labored but his adrenaline is pumping, leaving him at the happiest he’s probably been in years.

“Alright, kids,” Mr. Reyes announces, “We made it through without any mishaps- thank god- and-”

“Time for curtain call!” Christine declares, an almost manic gleam in her eyes, and their teacher practically runs offstage as the curtains rise and the band starts to play the instrumentals to _Bring on the Monsters_ again _._

First go the ensemble members- Dustin, Madalyn, Brooke, and a couple of other theatre kids- who get a decent amount of applause. Then Jake, Jared, and Chloe, who get cheers from both the audience and backstage. Then Jenna and Rich step out, and Jeremy can actually hear Michael’s moms cheering Rich’s name. He’s not exactly sure how close of friends Michael and Rich became in the last year, but he _is_ glad that it happened. Rich deserves as many friends as he can get.

Then Michael and Christine go, and Jeremy can hear both Michael’s moms and his own dad cheering, adding to the usual applause of Christine’s parents. He himself claps a bit even as he steels himself for his own trip onstage.

Then Jeremy himself steps out as the band plays a few notes of _Good Kid_ , and he nearly cries as he sees that nearly the entire audience is on its feet cheering. Around him, his cast mates are also applauding, and when he glances at Michael he sees his boyfriend grinning, happy tears in his eyes.

He takes Michael and Christine’s hands, the entire cast taking a bow as the applause continues.

He is here on stage with his friends, hand in hand with his boyfriend and his good friend, with his new friends around them and the notes of his favorite song playing in his ears. He’s survived junior year, and he’s built himself a life out of what he nearly destroyed with the SQUIP.

In this moment, the SQUIP’s voice is nowhere to be found. There is only Jeremy Heere, and he’s a bit fucked up, a bit broken.

And right now, he couldn’t be happier.


End file.
